There is no logic here. Rationalization and self-delusion, sure, but absolutely no logic.

Here’s the rationalization: It is so much cheaper and delicious to make your own vanilla extract. This is true. If you need a gallon. I do not. But, it never goes bad, so whatever. I use a gallon in my lifetime. Purchase justified!

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I’ve been picking through the Tipsy Baker’s book, Make the Bread, Buy the Butter. Baking bread and bagels, making ginger ale, and now vanilla extract. She goes through everything from raising your own eggs to curing meats to see if it is cheaper and/or more delicious to make it from scratch.

Toward the end, she dances around why we do this to ourselves. Even a 50% savings on a $3 loaf of bread probably doesn’t make up for the effort and time involved, even when you factor in all the preservatives you’re keeping out of your body. 

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I lack the discipline to be 'selfish' and instead foist projects that took me days, weeks, months on completely unsuspecting people. The obvious amount of energy that goes into the projects lays there like threat - reject this and you reject me. It's gift-giving emotional one-upping. "Oh, it's no big deal. I just spent 30 hours working on this, stitch by stitch. Thinking about what you'd like. Fretting that you wouldn't want this. Reflecting on how you're important in my life. Nothing major. It's no Best Buy gift card or anything."

It's a bit unfair, really, because even I would rather get the Best Buy gift card. My interest in wearing the things I make dies about four days after I complete them. Perhaps, the truly selfish approach is to leach inspiration from those around me, so I can induldge in a hobby I enjoy while pretending I'm giving a one-of-a-kind masterpiece that will be cherished for decades.

This emotional bombing is not too dissimilar, in fact, from foisting my navel-gazing posts upon readers just coming here for free scarf pattern to knit for a man in their life (or lady, I suppose). So, with only a little more adieu, here we go -

This pattern was the request of an old friend to replace a scarf I'd made him years and years ago, when I'd just started knitting/crocheting. I have always been a little 'meh' about that scarf (though apparently he loved it - always a sign of the knit-worthy) so I jumped on this as an opportunity to redeem myself. His request was "long, dark red and textured". It all fell into place from there. Red yarn that just happened to be named "Pagoda" when he'd just so happened to spend some time in China and a stitch pattern that just so happened to look like roof tops, and here we are - Mao's Little Red Scarf.

This pattern is ridiculously easy and a pretty quick knit for a scarf. You need to know how to knit, purl, cast on and cast off, so it is very beginner friendly. 

Mao's Little Red Scarf Pattern

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Materials

2 skeins Malabrigo Worsted weight in Pagoda (100 gr, 210 yards; 100% merino wool)

US size 8 14" needles

Tapestry needle and scissors

Stitch marker

Notes

K- knit

P - purl

PU - pick up strand from 2 rows down and slip it over the next live stitch. (You don't work this stitch. It is held into a point by the live stitches)

Cable cast on description

Directions

Setup

Cable cast on 35 sts. 

Knit five rows.

Pattern

1. *K3, slip next 5 sts with yarn in front*, repeat from * to * until last 3 sts, k3.
2. *K3, p5*, repeat from * to * until last 3 sts, k3.
3. K5, *pu, k8, repeat from * to * until last 6 sts, pu, k6.
4. *K3, p5*, repeat from * to * until last 3 sts, k3.

Repeat pattern until scarf measures 60" or length desired.

K 5 rows.

Bind off and weave in ends.

Optional: Ship to Asia.

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If you haven't been to a store in the last 2 weeks, let this serve as your warning that we are within the 2 month mark for Christmas.

The people who wisely buy their Christmas presents are rolling their eyes and scoffing about how much time is left, but the crafters are panicking. The impending doom hit me like a ton of bricks about a week ago, and I realized I have nothing to decorate for Christmas. This seems VERY IMPORTANT this year, so I made stockings.

Crocheted stockings.

Despite how it may appear, I don't crochet. I don't have any idea how to write or read a crochet pattern. I'm completely unfamilar with typical terms. I contemplated not putting this up here, because sometimes crafters can have high expectations* for stuff they get for free, and I don't have the time or desire to learn how to make this perfect.

If you're not familar with crochet, you probably want to get a pattern written by a pro. Ravelry has tons. If you make this one, I'd love to hear specific improvements. Whiney tirades are welcome with an attached donation of $100.

*"Have high expectations" is a euphamism for "be self-righteous jerks".

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Supplies

Crochet Hooks: 6.5 mm [US K-10.5], 4mm [US G-6].

Worsted weight yarn. I used Vanna's Choice. One ball of white will make 2-3 stockings, one ball of contrast color per stocking. Note: Vanna makes bad choices. Do not get intoxicated with her.

Yarn needle, scissors and such.

Stitches

• sl st - slip stitch
• sc - single crochet
• hdc - half double crochet
• dc - double crochet
• tc - treble crochet
• mc - main color
• cc - contrast color

Cuff

With J hook and contrast color, ch 41. Join

Rounds 1 -2: Ch2, hdc to end, join. (40 sts total)

Round 3: This round is creating a rounded cuff. Ch2, hdc into next st and the original chain in all stitches, join.

Rounds 4-9: Ch2, hdc to end, join.

Round 10: Ch1, *hdc, dc, hdc, sc* Repeat from * to * untl end. Break yarn and pull through.

Leg

Round 1: Join main color at the base of round 10 on the cuff, hdc 40 stitches around the wrong side of the cuff, join.

Rounds 2 - 16: Ch2, hdc around, join.

Don't break yarn.

Heel

Worked in rows, not rounds.

• Row 1: Join contrast color with sl st in 15th st from end of round 16. Sc2, hdc2, dc4, hdc2, sc2, sl st, Turn.
• Row 2: Ch 1, sc2, hdc2, dc5, hdc2, sc2, sl st, Turn.
• Row 3: Ch 1, sc2, hdc2, dc6, hdc2, sc2, sl st, Turn.
• Row 4: Ch 1, sc2, hdc2, dc3, tc, dc3, hdc2, sc2, sl st, Turn.
• Row 5: Ch 1, sc2, hdc2, dc3, tc2, dc3, hdc2, sc2, sl st, Turn.
• Row 6: Ch1, sc2, hdc2, dc3, tc3, dc3, hdc2, sc2, sl st. 

Break yarn and pull through.

Foot

Pick up main color again.

Work five rounds: Ch2, hdc, hdc 2 in one, hdc to the first point where CC and MC meet, hdc 2 tog, hdc across heel, hdc 2 tog, hdc until 2 sts remain, hdc 2 in one, hdc, join.

Work three rounds: Ch2, hdc to end, join.

Break yarn and pull through.

Toe

Join CC. Ch2, hdc to end join.

Ch2, *hdc4, hdc 2 tog* Repeat from * to * until end of round, join.

Ch2, *hdc3, hdc 2 tog* Repeat from * to * until end of round, join.

Ch2, *hdc2, hdc 2 tog* Repeat from * to * until end of round, join.

Ch2, *hdc, hdc 2 tog* Repeat from * to * until end of round, join.

Ch2, *hdc 2 tog* to end.

Break yarn and pull through with a long enough tail whip stitch closed the remaining hole.

Finishing

Join with cc to make hanging loop. Chain 10 and join. Break yarn.

Weave in ends.

Embroider names, if desired.

Hang by the chimney with care.

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Alterations for Pico version

25 stitches around.

4 rounds after cuff, not 10.

sl stitch, hdc, tc for the scallops

First round of heel is Join w/slip st, cc2, hdc4, sc2, sl st, Turn. Add in dcs in the middle on next 5 rows.

Three decrease rounds on the foot; three even rows.

Start toe with 3hdc, hdc 2tog

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Cowls are one of those things, much like shawls and fingerless gloves, that knitters love, but I'm not sure how much the general population embraces them. My coworker, however, told me I did not look stupid wearing it, that they were trendy right now, and people call them infinity scarves. So there you go - one unverified source suggesting that I am hip.

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This pattern is really easy, uses only one skein, and knits up quickly. In other words: perfect last minute Christmas gift.

If I were going to make another one, I'd try casting on 100 stitches and do three repeats of the body to get a snugglier cowl. If anyone gives that a shot, I'd love to see it.

Pucker Up Cowl Free Knitting Pattern

Materials

1 skein Cascade Yarn Rustic (79% Wool, 21% Linen) 100gr, 196 yds

32" size 7 circular needles

Tapestry needle and scissors

Stitch marker

Notes

Make pucker: Pick up stitch from 10 rows below and knit together with one stitch on the left needle.

Seed stitch: K1, p1 for the whole round. (On the second round, you'll knit into purl stitches, and purl into knit).

Slip marker as you come to it.

Cable cast on description

Directions

Setup

Cable cast on 125 sts. Join, being sure not to twist.Place marker to note start of round.

Work 1 inch in seed stitch.

Knit 10 rounds.

Work the body twice.

Body

*Make pucker on next 5 sts, k20*. Repeat from * to * four more times to complete the round.

Knit 8 rounds.

*K10, make pucker on 5 sts, k10*. Repeat from * to * four more times to complete the round.

Knit 8 rounds.

Finishing

*Make pucker on next 5 sts, k20*. Repeat from * to * four more times to complete the round.

Work 1 inch in seed stitch.

Bind off in pattern.

Weave in ends. 

Look fashionable in the eyes of my one coworker.

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Suds

I made soap. It's not difficult. About as tough as making soup, though if you mess up, you get a chemical burn. So, there's that.

It works fine. Suds up great, is nice and hard (which means it'll last longer), doesn't dry out my skin. Only down side is that it kind of smells like an old man's apartment. If I smell like AARP in the upcoming months, please do not shun me.

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Fishes

I made three fish hats, two for Doug's nieces and one for the amusement of the fourth graders at Cure. I love this pattern. Not only is it fabulous to have a fish chewing on your head, but the pattern ate up a lot of yarn that's been laying around for a long time. What other pattern could clown barf colored yarn actually work in?

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Melted Wax

These were supposed to be cooler. They are just crayons hot glued to canvas and melted with a blow dryer.

Meh. Cute enough for a five year old's room, not cool enough to hang in my house.

Anyone want 'em?

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I am assuming that you are gasping with delight and are thoroughly impressed will my skills. I will accept your compliments below.

Except, you know what, lace is really not that hard. It's knit stiches, yarn overs, and decreases, with a bead slipped on here and there. That's it. As long as you just keep going, you get something impressive. Not complicated, especially with a few years experience under your belt.

Knitters often have this weird fear of projects that look more challenging than work they've done in the past. They'll hem and haw on message boards and digitally wring their hands over they challenges that they could never rise to.  

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Do you know what happens when you fail at knitting?

Nothing. No one dies. Children don't cry themselves to sleep. Most people don't even notice. At worst, you wasted a couple bucks on a pattern, and you have some yarn you need to repurpose. On the scale of things over which to wring your hands, it is nestled comfortably between the noisy material that Sun Chips bags are made out of and the stripe that your windshield wipers can't seem to get even though it keeps going over it. Trying things you didn't know how to do is how you find out what you can.

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That is really easy to say when you've already been doing something for, oh, 8 years and have a solid grasp of the basics and are really just adding more advanced skills. It's not so easy to say when you're the gym-hating, food-loving girl who joined a CrossFit gym.

This article explains what Crossfit is pretty well, but in short it's a combination of weighlifting, calisthenics, gymnastics and feeling like you are going to die.

These two are basically performing the cobweb lace equivelant. Did you just throw up in your mouth a little? Yeah. Me too.

Let's be honest - I'm not particularly good at this. Getting better, sure, but good? Um, no. After three months, I'm still trying to figure out how to pick up a dropped stitch while everyone else is blazing past with a fancy cabled sweater. (It's possible I'm pushing this analogy too far...)

But, here's hoping the same principle applies. 85,000 yarn overs, knit 2 togethers and slip slip knits to a lace weight shawl, 85,000 push ups, clings and prowler pushes to a butterfly pull up.

Keep showing up and lace is easy and so is picking up that 200 lb barbell.

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The destash purge continues, and I knocked out six skeins of some of the oldest yarn in my stash. I might have had to buy 3 more to do this project, but I'm netting out ahead. I actually knit this using Rowan RYX Luxury Cotton yarn, but I'm suggesting Cascade 220 as an alternative for a couple reasons. It's cheaper, easier to find, and I think it'll hold up better. The Rowan is very nice and drapey (it has silk in it), but let's be real - even the most speshul snowflake baby doesn't need a silk blanket.I just really wanted to use up this yarn.

I am considering doing another version of this blanket doing each stripe a different color. Being seven stripes, it's begging to be made into a rainbow.

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Size

40"x40"

Gauge

18 sts x 20 rows = 4 inches in stockinette

Materials

• Main color - 300 grams (3 skeins) Cascasde 220 wool or similar worsted weight yarn (100 grams, 220 yards) 
• Contrast color - 200 grams (2 skeins) Cascade 220 wool
• Size 8 (5 mm) 32” circular needles
• Size 8 (5mm) 60" circular needles
• Stitch markers
• Darning needle

Abbreviations

• K – Knit
• P – Purl
• YO - Yarn over
• K2tog - Knit 2 together

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Notes

Throughout pattern, slip markers as you come to them.

Switch to longer circulars when needed.

This blanket is knit using the magic loop method.

Where indicated on the knit rounds, you'll move the markers one stitch to the left. This is to keep the corners in the same place.

Repeat the patterns four times per round

Directions

With main color, cast on 16 sts using the disappearing loop method. Pull the cable through so you have 8 sts on each needle. This is the most finicky part of the blanket, so if you find a different cast on easier, substitute. 

Setup: Knit 4, PM

Main Pattern

Main color: Repeat increase and even round 6 times.

• Increase round: K1, yo, knit to marker, yo, slip marker
• Even round: Knit around

Stripes: Attach contrast color.

• K1, yo, knit to marker, yo, slip marker
• Purl
• K1, yo, knit to marker, yo, slip marker
• K2, *yo, k2tog* 
• K1, yo, knit to marker, yo, slip marker
• Purl (On the final repeat, bind off purl-wise)

Attach main color and repeat from the start of main pattern 6 more times, being sure to bind off on the final round.

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