Offending Your Delicate Sensibilities

Published by Shana | Filed under Free, Knitting, Patterns

If you’re offended by things like f-bombs, you make want to a) stop reading or b) start clutching your pearls.

Since it seems to keep butting it’s ugly face into the lives of people I care about, it seems like high time to send a clear message to cancer. Specifically – “No one likes you, so GTFO.” And I don’t know how better to send this message than through knitwear.

Well, that doesn't seem so bad...

oooooooooohhhhhhh

While the sentiment clearly isn’t unique to me, neither is the idea for socks. That honor belongs to Katie. I was just going to make those, but then I remembered didn’t like colorwork. And, I’m too lazy to check gauge, so I should do these toe up. And, hey, maybe these should have some ribbing so I don’t have to be as precise in sizing. And, maybe I’ll just put the words on the front and rechart them so they fill the space better. Oh, wait - this is a whole new pattern.

So, viola. Perhaps you can make a pair from each patten?

Socks for Kicking Cancer’s Ass

Supplies

• Mission Falls 136 Merino Superwash (100% merino, 50 g; 136 yds) – 2 balls
• 5 yards contrast color yarn for words in a weight between fingering and aran. I used aran, so the letters would be bolder.
• 32″ size 3 (3.25 mm) circular needle
• Cable needle
• Tapestry needle

Notes

Knit at your own risk – This pattern has not been test knit by anyone other than me, so I’m sure there’s an error here or there. If you find mistakes, please let me know and I’ll correct them ASAP. Sorry that I”m not able to provide that service on free patterns.

These socks are knit toe-up using the magic loop. The socks are finished, and the words stitched on afterward.

m1 – make one

w&t – Wrap and turn

Directions

Toe

Figure 8 cast on 24 sts (12 on needle,12 on cable)

Alternate increase and even round until you have 44 sts.

• Increase round: On first needle, k1, m1, k to final stitch, m1, k1. Repeat on needle 2.
• Even round: Knit both needles.

Foot

Work the following until knitting measures 8″ from cast-on.

On needle 1, knit

On needle 2, *p1, k2* repeat from * to * 7 times, p1

Heel

This sock has a short row heel.

• Sl1, k to end. Turn.
• Sl1, p19, w&t
• K to one before wrapped stitch, w&t
• p to one before wrapped stitch, w&t

Alternate last two rows until 8 stitches remain unworked.

Work until the wrapped stitch, pick up wrap and work stitch, turn. Repeat until all wrapped stitches have been worked.

Leg

Work stitches on even rounds as they lie.

• Round 1 – [k2, p1] x3, k4, [p1, k2] x3, k11. Move the start of the row to this point.
• Round 3 – K10,  [k2, p1] x3, K6, [p1, k2] x3, k10
• Sl 1, p19, w&t
• Sl 1, p19, w&t
• Round 5 – K9,  [k2, p1] x3, K8, [p1, k2] x3, k9
• Sl 1, p19, w&t
• Sl 1, p19, w&t
• Round 7 – K8,  [k2, p1] x3, K10, [p1, k2] x3, k8
• Sl 1, p19, w&t
• Sl 1, p19, w&t
• Round 9 – K7,  [k2, p1] x3, K12, [p1, k2] x3, k7
• Round 11 – K6,  [k2, p1] x3, K14, [p1, k2] x3, k6
• Round 13 – K5,  [k2, p1] x3, K16, [p1, k2] x3, k5
• Round 15 – K4,  [k2, p1] x3, K18, [p1, k2] x3, k4
• Round 17 – K3,  [k2, p1] x3, K20, [p1, k2] x3, k3
• Round 19 – K2,  [k2, p1] x3, K22, [p1, k2] x3, k2
• Round 21 – K1,  [k2, p1] x3, K24, [p1, k2] x3, k1
• Round 23 – K1, p1, [k2, p1] x2, K28, [p1, k2] x2, p1, k1

Work stitches as they lie until the leg measures 8″ from heel.

Work 8 rounds in 1×1 ribbing.

Bind off loosely. I recommend this bind-off, since you need a lot of stretch.

Adding the words

Embroider the letters over the stitches. You could knit this into the sock if you choose to by starting the chart five rounds after completing round 23 on the leg. Stitching over the top makes the words removable, which can be a perk if your recipient is less enamored with F bombs on their clothing.

This is a universally accepted truth.

Weave in ends.

Go kick cancer’s ass.

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